Monday, November 28, 2016

Today's feelings...

...just a few things on my mind this morning. Just by journaling this...I started unpacking my "bag".
My self talk sometimes sounds like, "if you were a real Jesus follower, you wouldn't be having these issues", "why can't you just give it to God?!", "If I were more like so-n-so, I'd have things figured out already."
A lot of it was because of the shaming words that were spoken to me and I in turn made them my own. Some of it is what I think others are expecting from me. 

By unpacking and identifying these things, they lose their power. 

I'm learning to just just come to God, a mess and with my mess. 

That I don't have to solve "ALL THE THINGS"...messes are ok! Someone recently told me that GRACE is for me too. In my head, I thought..of course I know that!.......but do I really? 

It's a word that I hear multiple times a day...and I know it'll be a daily process of understanding and applying it. Daily being ok with my mess. Finding the courage to be vulnerable to grasp the freedom that comes with it. 

Sunday, November 27, 2016

T H A N K S G I V I N G • 2 0 1 6

Thanksgiving this year was met with a lot of mixed emotions...yes, there were many fun moments and memories made, but beyond that...there were feelings of emptiness. 

This was the first thanksgiving without my grandma. I'm always the one in charge of setting the table, and all night long I felt like I was forgetting something. It really wasn't that I was forgetting, but rather that something was missing. I miss her more than words. 

I then thought about the families who are also missing loved ones who were killed because of the color of their authority placed in the wrong hands or cowardly men with misplaced fear. 

My heart was also heavy with what this holiday means for the indigenous people...with everything that is going on in North Dakota it was hard for me to be truly present. I watched video after video, and felt nauseous with each one. I imagined what the people there were experiencing. 

I may not be able to go to Standing Rock, but I do plan on supporting them in other ways. My hope is that you would too. 

To my privileged brothers and sisters...Injustice should make you uncomfortable at the very least. Sit with it, hold it. Don't expect someone else to inform you...educate yourself. Your first response may be defensive...instead, listen to understand. 

#standagainstinjustice #useyourprivilege #beanadvocate